Blog is my friend

I don’t know what’s going through my mind right now but please spare me this post; this is a very personal one. Well, not really coz I’m posting it here but what the heck! NO BODY IS VISITING MY BLOG!

I don’t want to talk about it but it is here bugging me and my heart is pounding like it wants to come out of my chest. Oh no! What’s happening to me, savoring myself into sad songs while writing this down? Do I want to cry? Do I want to hug my pillows tight? And be alone? Been there! Why am I talking like this? Why a man is ranting his unmanly emotions here? Because I’m tough! Tough, whenever people are around me. I’m funny whenever friends are near me. But in reality I’m as fragile as anyone can be…

It has been more than seven years when I fell in love, and it’s still the same as much as I don’t want to anymore. How can someone still be in love with someone who has not been there for three years now? I have been around waiting for years but still you are not here. I admit! It seems like I’m over you whenever where together but I’m not. And I’m not sure when will be..

It has been 3 years since you left me, I was in my worse. I’m not sure if people have an idea what I’ve been through. Yeah, I’ve been through the worse in my life just because of love. You can call me crazy for being like this. You can call me irrational if I’d say I’m just human. But what can I do, I really am! I still love the person no matter how much pain it caused me already, no matter how many time I’ve crawled, no matter how often I’ve stumble and fall.

Everything is still so vivid here in my heart despite all the good times we shared after all the mess. I know this is too much, I know everybody will tell me I’m crazy but that’s why I’m just writing it down here instead of have my friends to be around me. I’m afraid of just being judge coz they don’t know you. See??? I’m still protecting you even though you are exposing me with all these things.

What to do? What to do? I don’t know how to mend this heart; I don’t know if I can still let you go even you are not mine…

Someday…I don’t know..hoping..hoping you’ll be mine..or…hoping to let go..